Why You Shouldn’t Give Your Friends Advice (& How To Actually Help Them) Refinery20.com
You can't give orders, you can't judge.
MAIREAD MOLLOY, RELATIONSHIP PSYCHOLOGIST for the Refinery20.com
I have a friend and she is pure joy. Sometimes she’s like a summer sea breeze, all possibility and light. Sometimes she’s like cashmere and red wine on a winter’s night. Sometimes she’s like a healer, mystic and magical, wise and steady.
It figures, then, that I go to her for advice. She listens, she comforts and she gives her opinion. She makes me feel seen and better, and we normally laugh.
But one time, not so long ago, things didn’t play out as they normally do. I told her that I’d had a fertility test and my results were 'just under average'. But, I said, I’m waiting for a big career opportunity. I don’t want to miss this opportunity, I told her over the phone, walking around a freezing cold park in one of the seemingly endless lockdowns.
Mairead Molloy, a relationship psychologist with over 20 years of experience, reminds us that it’s important to start with an ego-denting truth: on some level it really doesn't matter what you say or what advice you give because, she believes, "mostly, people will always follow their own instincts".
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